I attended a funeral today. It wasn’t the funeral of anyone I am close to, the parent of an acquaintance. It was lovely, but as I sat there I contemplated my eventual funeral.  Reality dictates that I won’t ever really have a say when that time comes, I can tell people my preferences but that doesn’t mean much when it happens. Still, I had some thoughts (Scott and Iron Man take note)…

– Please, no flowers. As in none. Take the $75 you would spend on an overpriced arrangement and give it to charity. Preferably a good one, but I will be dead so I won’t know either way. Give it away, don’t waste it on lilies and roses…Iron Man doesn’t need the company of florals.

– If, for some odd reason, I am not a Christian, please do not pretend that I still am by having a religious ceremony. It’s just odd and disingenuous.  Don’t bother pretending I still believed if I no longer did.

– If I am a Christian but am not part of an established Christian Community, please, for the love of God himself, don’t let some random priest/pastor/reverend who works at the funeral home lead the events. There is nothing more awkward than someone who doesn’t really know the person trying to make an hour-long presentation work. No thanks. If there isn’t a ‘person of the cloth’ who knows me well, pick someone who isn’t from the church to do it…Scott, I am looking at you.

– Sing good songs. Lots of them. Unless most of my friends aren’t Christian. Then don’t because singing worship is just awkward when you aren’t Christian. But if you are going to do worship, do good songs. Scott, I am looking at you.

– Keep the presentations to a minimum and the eating to the maximum. Lots of food, good food.

– I wouldn’t say no to a slideshow but since I wouldn’t be there to appreciate it, not that important.

I think that’s it. I know, it seems insensitive I am sure. And I know, funerals aren’t about the dead, they are about the living. But really, if you are going to ‘celebrate’ me, make sure it ends up being a party I would want to be at.

ps: Scott, you didn’t ‘work’ my wedding but you might have to ‘work’ my funeral – this is the price you pay for being my friend and getting to walk in whenever you need to use the washroom. 🙂

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