It happened. It finally happened. Today, I was looking in the mirror at the gym and my perception of my body had changed. I didn’t look like a fat girl on her way to getting healthy. I looked like a healthy girl on her way to getting healthier. It was mind blowing. It was what I have been waiting for and what I needed today. Today was not a perfect day. It was a typical day. There were good teaching moments, and bad teaching moments. There were good eating moments and bad eating moments. Today was just a typical day. And today, when I looked in the mirror I looked different, I looked like the person I have been working towards. Not perfect, not amazing, but good. Something to be proud of. Healthy, and happy. I needed this because so many days it feels like if I am not perfect I will never ‘get there’…but getting ‘there’, wherever ‘there’ is, isn’t about perfection. I am NEVER going to be perfect. EVER. There is no such thing. But today after work, I felt like garbage. I was exhausted. And my loving, amazing husband dragged my sorry butt to the gym. And if he hadn’t, I would have felt lazy and fat this evening. But instead, I went to the gym and I worked out, and I stood in front of the mirror as I did lateral raises and bicep curls and sumo squats and realized that I am ‘there’. I feel good. I look good.
I think of it like this…in January of this year I chose a new road. It was a road that not only included the occasional trip to the gym but instead, put the gym, put physical fitness, ahead of things like work. I took up running, I got a personal trainer, I discovered hot yoga. I made sure that I went to the gym when I was tired and when I had marking to do and when reports were due and when the house was a mess. I rarely found an excuse not to exercise and in fact, the worse my day, the better the workout.
The new road also included healthy eating. It was a road that meant that I had to eat less, I had to eat in moderation and I had to eat well. I eat more veggies and fruits than ever. I eat less fat and sugar. I haven’t cut anything out completely and I haven’t stopped having a life. I try to eat healthy when I can and take into account the times when I know I can’t. I try my very best not to feel guilty when I cheat and to remember that this road is about balance.
And that new road was good. But I knew the whole time that the road was leading somewhere else. It was leading me to another road, a third road. Today, I reached that road. That road is going to lead me somewhere else (and as long as it isn’t back to the initial road, I don’t really care where it leads me) and that’s good…but I needed this, I needed a new road. And more than anything, I can’t wait to find out where this road takes me.